Listen… listen… Do you hear those words? Do you see how
they whisper and stare? I am not liked at all in these parts. They call me
“the home-wrecker”, “a Jezebel”, “the adulteress”. Adulteress! How
that name used to sting my heart… but no more! Let me tell you an amazing
story!
I grew up in a typical Jewish household, with a mother
and a father, many brothers and sisters. We were all taught to obey the
laws of Moses - the word of God – we also learned of the punishment that
was to be ours if we did not obey these laws.
When I was still very young, very innocent, I was rudely
introduced to the “ways of the world” by a man I hardly knew. Sex was not
something that we ever spoke about in our household – I did know that when
I was older I was promised to be some man’s wife and was to bear him his
children, but how or what or when that was to be, I did not understand.
When this happened to me as a child, I did not know what it was, but knew
only that it was something bad, something shameful, and that I was to
speak to no one about it.
I had just turned 13 when I was presented as a wife to
this man to whom I had been promised. Oh yes, there was great anticipation and
celebration in this event, for he believed that he was to receive this
great prize of value and honour - a young virgin who was pure, and was to
be for him only.
When he found out that it was not so, he was very angry, and
was so disappointed at our union, but because he wished to bring no dishonour
to my family and no
embarrassment to himself, we did not speak
of it outside our household. But I tell you, from that very day I was not
treated with any respect as his wife... and I did not believe that I
deserved to be so. In order to avoid his displeasure and to try to win his favour, I quickly learned how to please him in all that he desired and
gave myself to him at his will.
The other women of the household told me that this was
just how it was to be; that I should be so happy that he had not cast me
out into the streets; that I was his, to be what he wanted when he wanted
… I should learn to like it. I tried to be a good wife... but deep within
there was this growing darkness, knowing that I was not what he had
expected me to be, and could never be. And so the darkness grew into a
deep disappointment in myself, which grew into such loneliness and
emptiness… which turned to bitterness, and then to anger.
As I came into my full womanhood I found that though I
was not treasured in my own household, there were many, many men who
freely offered to "treasure" me. I had a way that was very seductive and it
was so easy - these men were drawn to me like moths to a flame. I took
great pleasure in the power I had to please them, as I won their favour by
becoming an object of their obsessive desires. Yes, how quickly my passion
always faded and so I continually sought someone new to re-kindle that
flame, to somehow fill a growing void, and so I earned the name of
“adulteress”.
Those women, they despised me, and as those men leered
and then sneered their names at me, I took an angry pride in the power of that
name of “adulteress”. The more they tried to put me down, the more I
seized that power to win another to my bed, to triumph in another conquest, to rejoice!...
to rejoice at someone else’s downfall.
But then, my life was truly changed – it was the day I
was caught in my own sin and I was to die.
I had been found with a man who was not my husband, and
was confronted by those who despised me and condemned me for my sin, as
they picked up large stones to bring me to my death, as it was to be,
according to the law of Moses.
The names they called me... “adulteress”, “Jezebel”,
“man-eater”, “bed-hopper”, “prostitute”, “slut”, … “WHORE”!
As I waited to feel the crush of that first stone as it
was to bruise my skin, it was those names that were crushing me in the
core of my soul… for I knew that those WERE my names, they now exposed my
shame in all my sin, and I knew I was now to pay for them with my life.
But before any stone was cast, I looked down to see the
feet of one I had not met before. As I looked up, I gazed into the eyes of
no man I had ever known before.
He turned to the others and He said, "Let He who is
without sin cast that first stone!"
Somehow I knew that he was the one that they called
Messiah – the lamb without blemish, a man without sin. His intense gaze
was not upon my seductive eyes – he did not see my shape or form as a
woman. Yet somehow he could see through the flesh, into my heart, into my
very soul – somewhere I had let no one before, yet there he could see the
sadness, the emptiness, the pain, the shame in all my sin.
And I knew that He alone may be the only one who could
cast that first stone and so it would be he who would condemn me to my death. Yet he looked at
me and said: "Woman, who here has condemned you?"
"Master, there is no one."
"Then neither do I! My child, go - and sin no more!"
I was not to die? He had set me free - the one who had
NEVER sinned was setting ME, the worst of sinners, free?!! He had said
“go”, and all I was to do for that freedom was to sin no more? I did not
have to pay for any of all that sin? I was amazed, I was so grateful, and yet
… I was so afraid – for how could I, the one who knew only how to live a
life of sin, of shame - how could I obey Him and sin no more?
But as I followed this man that they called Jesus, and
watched as He taught His disciples, listened as He preached to the crowds
- I saw how He changed people’s lives. I learned that it would He who
would be walking there right beside me as a shepherd to guide me, to light
this new path that I was now to choose. If I were to stumble and fall (as
I knew I surely would!) all I had to do was to call out His name - just as
that fallen lamb mournfully cries to its master and waits for its rescue… He
would be there to lift me back up – with His grace and His mercy to restore
me back on to this chosen path.
I listened as He rebuked His own disciples to let those
little children come close to Him. He said that we are all to come to the
Father as children – it is their faith that is to be our model, and so we
should bring them close and watch - how they love; how they trust... how
they forgive... and as He said that, I realized that it was there, in my own
childhood, that I had thrown down my faith, in anger and in distrust, and
it was there that I now had to pick it up.
And so as if a child again, I learned, step by step,
word by word, the real power and the awesome wonder of this Father’s love
for me, that He would forgive ALL my sin, and so from that day I have
chosen to live a life that I have tried to keep free from sin, and full of
forgiveness, though only
through His ongoing forgiveness in my life every day. But yes, He had set
me free - from that life that I had lived before.
But though I had found such joy in this new life and was set
free, I found that I still wore the soiled, tattered rags of my past as
that impure woman and I could not get them off. It had been through the stain of my
own sin and the sins of others, that I had never been a true bride... never
to stand before her chosen lover, pure and whole. In this new life now I
continually grieved that loss, and so wore the unwashable stain of all my
sin like a mark of my unholiness among all those others.
But then, there He stood before me once again - the
resurrected Jesus. And I knew then that I had not paid the price for any
of my sin, only because it had been HE who had … by being nailed to a
cross, to hang and die, for no sin of His own. Yet there He CHOSE to die,
in my place, bearing the weight of all my sin. Oh, that I had chosen just
ONCE not to sin, so that His burden had not been so great…
But in that act of overwhelming love for me, God removed
forever that stain, the stench of all my sin, so that I now stand before
you pure, without shame, for I am wrapped in His purity – standing as a
bride stands before her betrothed, whole and unblemished; I had never been
able to do that before, and I thought I never could. But I can now offer my
love, and my life, without shame, without stain.
For I now know that He is mine, and I am His… from this
day forward… to have and to hold… for richer, for poorer … in sickness and
in health… BUT death - will - NOT - us - part… this is FOREVER!
I know there are still those who will continue to call
me those names. I am sad for the past that I have had; I have bowed my
head in humility as I have cried for forgiveness from all to whom I have
done any wrong … but I now know that those names that they spit at me are
no longer mine. For I have been cleansed - I am whole. Not because of
anything I have done or said, but because my lover, my Jesus, has chosen
me as He would a bride, wrapping me in His robe of righteousness, so that I am
now worthy to be called His. And I am now known only by HIS name – NOT
theirs.
I have met Him… He is real. He is here, in this room, as
He waits to call you His one and only, the one whom He has so loved, that
He chose to die, nailed to a cross, in YOUR place, bearing the weight of
all YOUR sin. Please, take time now to share your confession of faith with
Him, for He longs to whisper those words of unending love for you... and no
matter what your sin… oh, no matter WHAT your sin, He HAS already washed you
clean ... and now offers to make YOU whole – and will call you His…
FOREVER.
He IS here… listen…. listen!